Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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