my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
