at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
