You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i believe in u and ur pee
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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