So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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