Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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