Me. At least after what I've been through.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
