I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
