do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
