I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
