Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
