so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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