can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Rumble strips road head = magical
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
