Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize