Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
