my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
