worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
