I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
