you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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