you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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