dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
