I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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