There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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