I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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