I cockslap morals
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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