One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
That's intense
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
