Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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