I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she pinky promised me she was 18
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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