if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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