Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
