just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i came on her dog
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
