dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
