I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
