You made me cry and you don't even care
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
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