He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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