They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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