Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
