Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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