hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
