no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
it glows. i had to have it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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