so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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