The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
