I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
