like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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