My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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