i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?