You're my little dorito
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"