i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
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My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
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Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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