At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.