He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.