You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.