In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
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only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had