And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
