Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
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Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
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Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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