I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
