You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
