Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
