New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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