Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
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Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
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we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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