Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
