So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
