all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
