how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
