i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
