My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
