WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
