At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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