Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
