he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
