hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
