Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
