I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
do nipples grow back?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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