what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
