theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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