Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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