So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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