I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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