did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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