Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
