I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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