that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
its not stalking. its research.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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