Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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