now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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