Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
