ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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