So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
