I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
