Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
