I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
