I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
