I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
