we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
