im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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